Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas is Here! (Gasp, gasp, pant, pant!)

Holiday hoopla... so very joyous. No, seriously!

Of course, before now there were all of the Christmas preparation setbacks along the way: One of my cats becoming terribly ill, thus requiring numerous expensive and traumatic vet visits and needing to be watched 24/7; One and a half "snow" days of the kids being off from school (involving not a flake of snow, of course, as is the custom here in Raleigh, NC); all of the chorus, gingerbread craft events and other school things being rescheduled so I can attend them even closer to Christmas. Etc.

I've ordered a roast. A big-girl roast. I've never made one of these before and although I'm a little nervous about cooking a piece of meat that is more expensive than the jewelry I'll be wearing while making it, I am going to cross my fingers and do my best.

My gifts are wrapped, my food shopping coupons clipped, alcoholic beverages have been stocked up on. I've accepted my husband's offer for us to dine out for dinner tonight (Christmas Eve) so I can conserve my energy for Christmas day--a significant indulgence in my book.

The tree is lit, the cat is no longer vomiting, the carpets have been cleaned, and the kids are off school. Cookies have been baked, cards have been sent, and the multitude of other tasks have been accomplished. Once again, I've somehow made it through the commercialized, expensive, ridiculous hoopla that epitomizes the holiday season, especially for us moms.

Now it's time to enjoy it. Merry Christmas!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Tell-It-Like-It-Is Thanks

I think it's safe to say that most of us are quite thankful for many things, and when our turn comes around at the Thanksgiving table, it is likely that we'll share them aloud: food, clothing, our homes, our family and friends, good health, and so forth. Truly, I am thankful for all of those things.

But the Thanksgiving holiday brings the additional opportunity to express thanks for other things; things that we don't particularly announce at the Thanksgiving table but that I am truly thankful for every day. So, in keeping with my tell-it-like-it-is style, I've decided to share some of those things with you, my readers.

I am also deeply thankful for:
*The girl scout moms, who do most of the work with my daughters' troops, enabling moms like me to help out in a volunteer capacity, yet without having to attend Leadership Training, which involves camping outdoors in winter.
*The dancing school people, who help impart good morals to my children, who for some reason listen to them but not to me. (www.studiofivedancecompany.com)
*The weather in NC, which allows me to write this blog on November 22, wearing a tee-shirt and jeans while having all of my windows wide open, with the heat turned off.
*My cat sitter, who cat-sits even when the cats are not home.
*My ex-husband, who is taking my children on vacation to visit family, thus enabling me to enjoy not only a five-day reprieve from the kids, but also facilitating the greater procrastination of my need to drive them fourteen hours to New York myself.
*My current husband, who is so helpful and supportive that I refrain from telling people because they become green and irritated.
*My next husband... just kidding! (Thanks Mark, for laughing at my jokes too.)
*My two children and two stepchildren, all of whom rarely have meltdowns (even when I do), and none of whom are criminals in any way, shape, or form.
*My fellow writers on the Backspace Writer's Forum, who are just about the only people in life I can count on to be brutally honest at all times, yet with good intentions. (www.bksp.org)
*The fact that there is not a gigantic lit-up tree full of cat choking hazards in my living room. Yet.
*Online Christmas shopping.
*And of course, my sincere thanks to all of you who follow my blog; I appreciate your support.

Okay, I'll stop now. Because really, this list could go on and on and on.
What about you? What are some of the less obvious things you're thankful for this Thanksgiving?

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Five Things I Learned This Week

1. Clubbing, which begins no earlier than 11 pm, was a lot more fun when I didn’t get up at 6 am every day because my kids’ school days start so early. And when I had friends who wanted to do it with me.

2. If you join a gym, you can drive by and say “That’s my gym.” You can wear the t-shirt, carry the membership card, and pay the money. But if you don’t go there and work out, you won’t actually become any more fit.

3. There are some friends with whom there is no choice but to phone at a time you know is inconvenient for them; the only other option being to call at 3 am to shoot the breeze because really, there is no time during normal waking hours when you’d both be available.

4. When applying a fake cat nose to one’s face, do not use "Outlast" lipstick because you are too lazy to search for normal lipstick that would have washed off without practically having to apply a chemical solvent.

5. When waking a teenager, begin by finding the wire peeking out of the blankets. Follow it along, and if you come across an iPod, reverse directions. Eventually you will arrive at the earbuds, which are in the head of the near-comatose teen. (More waking a teen tips in this humorous article: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/-/user-post-how-to-awaken-a-teenager-on-shine-2402224/)

Monday, October 25, 2010

Momnesia Soundtrack!

Hey there music lovers! Exciting news! I've created a soundtrack for my novel, MOMNESIA, and it's up and ready for you to enjoy!

Whether you're a "Momnesia sufferer" or not, chances are you'll enjoy the songs on the soundtrack. Visit this page on my website --Momnesia Soundtrack!-- and you can listen to samples, buy individual songs, or choose to get the whole soundtrack!

Throughout the book, the main character finds inspiration in some of the most unforeseen places, including people, horses (ahem... a city girl catching a loose horse?), books, and especially music! Some of the songs that are so significant to her play a featured role throughout the story, eventually coming to have entirely different meanings by the time you get to The End. Others are mentioned more in passing, but are still great songs.

Hope you enjoy the music!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Can Married Life Be Exciting?

Married life. You live with the same person, day-in and day-out for years on end. You know how that person brushes their teeth, how many times they're going to sneeze, and the punch line to every joke they tell.

Married life with kids? You're worn out from the daily duties, a great percentage of your conversations are about the kids or logistics surrounding the kids (which one are you picking up from what activity, at what time?), and there's barely any energy left for... well, anything.

So, is there a way to have all the benefits of marriage (companionship, friendship, and ten thousand other great things that can be hard to think of at times), yet still have excitement, adventure, and romance?

I think there is, but it takes some work, creativity, and willingness on both people's parts. So, here is the question:

What do you do (or would like to do) to keep your marriage from becoming like a boring television program you've already seen a thousand times?

I'll start: Get ready separately, then go to a trendy bar or restaurant for a drink, like you did when you were dating.

Got any good ones? Comment below! And feel free to share this with your friends! (Click SHARE button to the right.) Looking forward to reading yours!

Monday, September 20, 2010

If Only All Ironies Were Funny

I'd really rather not visit my husband's family in Michigan during winter, I thought to myself. We'll catch pneumonia!

My wheels started spinning as I tried to figure a way to go and visit family, (who we'd like to see before their toddlers are all grown up), yet without having to take our spoiled, warm-weather-loving North Carolina selves Up North during winter.

And that's when I saw it... Nickelback! One of our favorite bands! Playing at the Joe Louis Arena! In Detroit! Twenty minutes away from my husband's family! In mid-September, when it is neither freezing nor blazing hot in Michigan! And immediately following both of our birthdays, thus justifying spending the money to visit family and see a concert!

We just got back from Michigan. Where we saw family (adorable toddlers, nice in-laws, great food), the weather was nice and autumn-like (65 degrees, crisp, and an opportunity to try on jeans I haven't worn since last March), and the Nickelback concert was excellent (great seats, very loud, and the band sounds just as good live as on their CD's).

Unfortunately, I did not enjoy these things nearly as much as I should have. Why? Because somehow, the mild head cold I had before leaving managed to turn into (literally!) full-fledged pneumonia along the way... Resulting in two trips to Urgent Care, several trips to the pharmacy, multiple shots (some in places I'll refrain from describing), and barely managing to get through it all without collapsing into a sniveling heap of a person-who-readily-admits-they're-barely-alive-instead-of-braving-it-out-until-the-end-like-an-idiot reality.

Thank goodness for my wonderful, loving, just-as-bad-as-I-am husband, who knew the whole time, helped me through it, and is making me tea even as I (completely inappropriately) type this.

Sigh... we may as well have just gone in January; at least the pneumonia wouldn't have been unexpected. Okay, I'm going back to bed now. Good night.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Marble Notebook Mystery

Between preschool, elementary school, and now middle school, suffice it to say that I have plenty of experience with the need for marble notebooks.

More specifically, I am accustomed to the annual deficit of marble notebooks--right when you need them--at the beginning of the school year.

Oh sure, I see them throughout the rest of the year; I even see them the week before school supply lists are posted. But do I buy them? Nooo. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.

Instead, I wait for the school supply lists to come out. Which always (from preschool to high school) involve marble notebooks. At which point we do the school supply shopping and get every single thing on the lists with the exception of the elusive marble notebooks, which are undoubtedly sold out at every Wal-Mart, Target, Staples, etc.

I smack myself on the forehead, thinking, "Why, oh why didn't I just buy them when they were in stock?" (Not to mention on sale for 50 cents instead of $1.50.)

27 stores later when we finally find them, I tell my girls to each pick an extra notebook, to have just in case. I am so smart, I think to myself. I am outsmarting those rotten non-stocking marble notebook people once and for all!

Then the kids come home throughout the first week with additional supplies needed, which always exceed the one extra marble notebook we bought. Foiled!

Then there's the further dilemma that now, marble notebooks are not even marble anymore! Not only do they come in green, blue, red, and yellow in addition to the classic black, but they also come in peace signs, rainbows, kittens, Miley Cyrus, and ten thousand other designs. And I don't know about you, but to my girls, the picture on the outside of the notebook is perhaps more important than having the school supply itself.

School started here in NC two weeks ago and I meant to forewarn my friends who live in other states, all of whom surely forget this every year just as I do. But I was too busy running to stores looking for the notebooks.

Yesterday, I was in Staples and found "marble" notebooks on sale for $1. Not such a great price, I know. I bought six of them in various designs. They're the emergency backup marble notebooks (which of course we will not need until next year, at which point they'll be out of style).

Hey friends... if you get desperate, I can ship them to you! Sure, they'll end up being $5 marble notebooks, but... oh yeah, school has already started by you too. In fact, you're probably reading this blog on your mobile device in between running to stores looking for marble notebooks.

Sorry.

Let's vow to help one another remember to stock up on them at Easter time this year. Sure, they'll all have bunnies, but we will have marble notebooks before school starts next year! Who's in?

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Google Analytics Torture

I don't know about you, but I find technology to be a strange mix of torture and pleasure: Computers, the Internet, blogging, Facebook--they're all wonderful resources--when they work.

When they don't work, however, there is perhaps nothing more torturous. Viruses, frozen screens, having to reformat your computer and lose all your information... these are reasons why I use a Mac.

Yes, I am one of those Apple users that borders on psychotic in favor of my beloved computer/s that "just work."

Unfortunately, there are some things that can't be avoided: namely, Internet-based applications. Such as Firefox, (my favorite browser), and Google Analytics, which has been implemented by seemingly every website in the universe, used to track visitors and their clicks.

Hosed up beyond my wildest imagination, my lightning-fast, high-tech, never-has-a-problem computer has been rendered lethargic by Google Analytics. For weeks.

And I--ever the problem solver--have also been hosed up, wasting hours of my time searching for a way to fix it: reading blogs, searching forums, and downloading applications (which I am mostly not afraid of due to the Mac-ness of my computer being far less vulnerable than my PC counterparts).

Finally, my wonderful husband found the solution for me and now I will share it with you: It's called NoScript, and it is the only thing that has worked: https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/722/

If you're suffering like I have been with this Google Analytics problem, I hope it helps you too... the Internet has once again become an invaluable tool rather than a torturous device that tests the very limits of my willpower to not throw things out the window. Good luck!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Women and Friendship

Women and friendship, what's the first thing that comes to mind?

Close-knit girlfriends who are there for you always, through thick and thin, bringing bottles of wine in your time of need? Who you can call at 3am just because you need to talk and they'll groggily be glad to hear from you?

Alas, this is not Sex and the City. This is real life. And while some lucky ladies may have a friend out there who she could call at 3am, it is the very rare bird who actually feels like she can. Or would.

More commonly, our lives are filled with acquaintances: People we spend time with, chatting about things like our childrens' schools, work, what's on sale at Penney's and other mundane topics, but never really getting to the nitty gritty.

Sure, there are some friends with whom we come closer to the sandpaper of life--gingerly touching with a fingertip--but then turning that index finger and using it to point. At her? At ourselves? Pointing, no matter in what direction, is easier than exposing a wound, open for another person to see.

But then, there is another question: What would happen if we were to continue rubbing? If we were to force ourselves through the discomfort of touching those rough surfaces, allowing our friends and ourselves to break through the protective barrier that we all keep around us (thin though it may be)? And what if, instead of pointing, we were to lay the fingertip on the table, open, wounded, and allow one another the opportunity to nurse it with the antibiotic salve of friendship?

It might be like in the Sex and the City movie (the first one), when Samantha spoon-feeds a few bites of hot cereal to Carrie, who has been jilted and is completely miserable. Whose friends know she is miserable because instead of putting on a brave face and acting "okay," she openly cries in front of them, then gets into bed and won't come out for two days.

But then again, it might not be like that (we logically remind ourselves, "Those girls are in a movie!"). That's the risk that we women, who go through life acting like acquaintances yet wishing we were soul mates, would have to take. It would be uncomfortable. And it would take two people both doing it at once.

It would take getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I've often wondered, if we women were to put a moratorium on "surfaceness" and a stronghold on "safeness," could women and friendships be different? What do you think?

Friday, August 6, 2010

Next Novel: Started!

I'm a member of a few reputable writing forums; the one I benefit from most is Backspace (www.bksp.org).

Often, I've wondered how in the world people can be writing another book when their previous one has not even been published yet. I couldn't imagine being able to concentrate on a new project when "my baby" is still awaiting representation.

Turns out, they're onto something. I've recently discovered that if I were to sit around waiting for everything to come together, I'd soon be on the funny farm... the funny farm at which e-mail is banned because the novelists are all sitting in the corner babbling to themselves about the need to check, Check, CHECK their e-mail!

Sigh. I knew it would be a long process--it was the arduousness of it that I underestimated.

Today, I surprised myself. When I opened my new project (for the umpteenth time), I finally had something to say. My fingers flew as the story began forming magically on the pages.

Ah, magic. The magic of writing. I truly hope others will soon be able to enjoy MOMNESIA, but until they do, at least I'm getting some fulfillment out of writing.

Stay tuned!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Dog Days of Summer

I wish I were a dog. No, really!

If I were a dog, I could lay around and sleep all day, have several meals served to me by doting people who love me, play when I'm in the mood, and... well, that's about it.

Instead, my days consist of getting up at the crack of dawn in order to get some work done before the kids get up, followed by dragging them out of bed and trying to get them to "do something." Anything. (Other than watch television, that is; if left to their own accord, they'd be like vegetables before the end of one week... vegetables who can quote George Lopez verbatim but can't remember how to spell their own names.)

After school being out for two months already, the pool (now mostly empty) is the temperature of a hot tub, we've seen several movies, they've gone roller skating, have had friends over, and have done all the rest of the things kids do during summer break. I, on the other hand, have done very little that adults like to do, as there is no money (or energy) left after paying for the aforementioned activities and more.

They're done. We're ALL done. Even the cats are bored; I swear they rolled their eyes at me this morning when I opened the door to the screened porch and suggested they go scare some birds. Sure, there's Girl Scout camp next week, several more parties and play dates, people coming from out of town to visit. But in the end, all of us are ready for back to school time.

But there's still a month to go.

Sigh. I think I'll go next door and hang out with the neighbor's dog.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Lake Lover's Ordeal

We just returned from a five-day vacation at the lake house with anywhere from four and six kids at any given time.

I know, I know, I can hear you gasp. Just like my husband and I gasped at the grocery bill. But in reality, the abundance of kids was not nearly as exhausting as one might imagine... There is a phenomenon in which it is relatively relaxing to allow the kids to bring friends, thus eliminating bickering amongst themselves and allowing the six-hour days of pulling kids on tubes, knee boards, water skis, and wake boards to be far more enjoyable.

So what was the ordeal? The air-conditioning. Which we are paying a fortune to have entirely replaced with a super-efficient, snow-blowing, guaranteed-to-make-us-freeze system.

It was supposed to be finished the week before but it was back ordered. So in between meals, towels, sunscreen, etc. for six kids, myself, and my husband, there were also a multitude of workmen in and out of the house, pounding all day, 92 degree indoor temperatures, an accidental hole in the carpet, an accidental hole in the wall, and the update that, alas, they didn't realize there is some ventilation problem, and we will need to hire yet another contractor to install two attic fans and blow foam insulation in our unreachable attic.

Not to mention the (household) water. Which has nothing to do with the air-conditioning, but was an unfortunate coincidence. Our subdivision well sprung a leak, thus resulting in barely a dribble of water ALL WEEK, making us have to painstakingly fill up pails in order to even flush the toilets and having to reassure all the kids that "don't worry, you're getting clean in the lake."

We're home a day early. I'm sure it will all work out in the end, and I know the kids had a good time, but for we adults--who are normally hardcore lake lovers--it was a bit of an ordeal. Sigh.

Monday, June 28, 2010

How Can I Be This Busy?

Summer is here. The kids are out of school, my book is in limbo, and I have no big client projects to work on. So how can I be so busy?

Sure, there are the typical household chores that need to be done: laundry, food shopping, maintaining the house, picking up the cat's prescription food. But those things are normally accomplished even when work is busy.

I think I've identified the problem: I tend to leave "big projects" for the summer, thinking I'll have all the time in the world to get them done. Cleaning the kids' closets with them (a mother's torture). Well visits, eye exams, and dental cleanings (ugh!). Letting all four kids invite friends to the lake house over the course of a week, resulting in anywhere from 8-12 kids at any given time, all of whom need to be picked up, dropped off, and fed, but few of whom can provide a real answer as to when exactly they'll be joining us.

On my desk are four lists, none of which are getting any tasks crossed off because I am stalling by ranting on this blog.

Okay. Deep breath. I will tackle the list. Lists. Soon. As soon as I have some more coffee and read another chapter in the book I just started reading. It is, after all, summer.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Finished Novel: Dream or Doom?

My novel is finished! Actually, it's been finished for quite a while, but I decided that I wouldn't query any agents to move toward publishing until I have absolutely, positively, not even the slightest urge to make sticky notes, go back and fix something, or anything else that remotely resembles editing.

I'm happy to say, I reached that point a few weeks ago. Yay for me! In fact, to take a quote directly from my family dinner table, "Total yayness!"

So why is the title of this post, "Dream or Doom?" Because now that my query letters have been sent and I have no book to work on, here is how my day looks:

Wake up. Check e-mail to see if there are any query responses.

Pour coffee. Check to see if there are any query responses.

Do a couple of household chores that don't take me too far away from the computer because I have to be able to check. And check, and check, and check.

Decide that it would be best to leave the house. Go out, do some clothes shopping, take the kids to the pool, do a large grocery shopping, and return in no longer than 15 minutes.

Check e-mail and find that there is a query response and they've requested a partial! Send partial immediately, then resume checking because surely the agent is sitting at her computer, holding her breath and unable to concentrate on anything else because she's so excited about my book.

Check again. Get reprimanded by Gmail because it's been checked too recently.

And so on.

I've received some positive responses. I'm excited! A few days have gone by and I've now developed my new plan: Leave the house. Every day. Do other things. Do not think about my finished book, my next book, my old book, or anything else that resembles a book of any kind. Maybe read a magazine, but also go the long way so I don't have to drive past the library, which makes me think about books. My books.

Okay, I'm obsessed. I admit it.

Thank goodness I don't have e-mail on my cell phone. Wait!... I think the Apple Store is having a sale... which would be shopping and therefore counts toward my plan of keeping busy...

See? I'm doomed. And it's a dream. Both. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Drawing the Line on Sunscreen

I live in NC. Which means that although it's only mid-June, it's been "summer" for well over a month already. Further clarified, this also means that we have already been in full-fledged sunscreen mode for weeks.

Every day, I thank my lucky stars that I have already passed the phase of life in which my kids were wriggly, uncooperative little beasts, requiring me to hold on to their slippery little wrists with the grip of death in order to get the lotion slathered onto them. (While listening to them cry about how it's not fair, they don't like it, etc, etc, etc.)

Now they're old enough to understand that no one is going anywhere until the sunscreen is on. They also (due to my "mean momminess") understand how much a sunburn hurts, having experienced it firsthand over the past few summers when I decided that maybe they'd learn better from experience than from my lectures.

But of course this year brings a new dilemma. Advances in technology have not missed the sunscreen market. Thus, there is now the availability of spray-on sunblock that requires no rubbing, takes two seconds, isn't slimy, and works great. The problem? It's so expensive, I'd have to take out a second mortgage if my plan were to use it on four kids every day for the six months that are summery.

At $10 per spray can, and the ability to easily go through a whole can each day, it seems that I'm now back to holding on to their (much bigger) slippery wrists, trying to force the $5-a-bottle-and-will-last-three-weeks lotion onto them.

Unless I can get them to pay for the spray with their own money? Excuse me while I go assign some chores.

On the other hand, I'm broke. From buying the spray sunscreen.

Sigh... I guess that brings me back to the mean momminess of letting them get burnt if they refuse to get lotioned. Sometimes parenting really does feel like a perfectly round circle.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Why Bother Cleaning a House, Anyway?

Cleaning. Sometimes it seems so pointless. Other times it seems so mandatory. I mean really, for whom are we cleaning, anyway?

The kids? Surely they not only don't care, but would actually prefer if things were left messy, thereby disguising their contributions to the chaos.

The husbands? Ahem. Most of them would be perfectly happy to store all of their laundry on the floor beside the bed if it weren't for we wives who so diligently provide a hamper-home for such things. And for those neatnick guys, like mine? Neat is usually their goal, actual dusting and polishing not nearly as important.

The pets? No way. Tumbleweed furballs are their goal and our vacuuming only makes them have to start all over again.

The neighbors/friends that might stop by or be invited over? Maybe. I mean, my take on the issue is that if you stop by unannounced and have to step over forty-seven loads piled in my kitchen on laundry day, that's a risk you'll have to take. Invited guests on the other hand, should be able to at least walk across the room, not stick to the floors, and have a clean towel to dry their hands on in the bathroom.

Really, when I clean, I clean for me. Because I don't like cluttery items spread throughout the home. Because dust on my furniture makes me feel guilty for not taking good care of my furniture (the down-side of knowing what I paid for it). Because fur tumbleweeds make me feel guilty about my stepson who is mildly allergic to cats.

Come to think of it, that's the answer. For me, anyway. It's the guilt that is laid upon me--not by other humans, but by my furniture, my carpets, and my vacuum cleaner who sits sadly in the closet when I don't use it. Which all translates to mean that really, it's me, laying the guilt on myself.

Guilt. To some extent, it's a mother's curse, I guess. What's your take?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

A Blog About Blogs

Some of my readers may be wondering why I would write a blog about blogs. Others are wondering, What in the world is a blog, anyway? Thus today's blog, "A Blog About Blogs."

Basically, a blog is a Website, usually maintained by the person it's about (me!), and which is updated frequently with short articles. The idea of a blog is to share your thoughts, keep people posted on what's happening, etc.

As a reader, you can comment on a blog... in effect having a conversation with the person who wrote the article and/or the other people who have commented. (Simply click the "Comment" button at the bottom of the article.)

If you think others will be interested, you can share the blog on your Facebook page with one click of the "Share on Facebook" icon to the right.

If you really, really enjoy that person's blog, you can choose to "follow" that person's blog. Again, at the right of this page, you can click "Follow Lori's Blog" and you will be notified each time I post a new article.

If you browse the web, you'll find that many people have blogs--it's truly mind-bloggling. The nice part is, you can choose to read them, not read them, participate, share, follow, comment (or not)... allowing you to stay posted on things you're interested in.

So, that's the long and the short of it. A blog is what you're reading right now. Hope you'll come back again soon!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Episode 2: Momnesia Chronicles

Last week we kicked off The Momnesia Chronicles by sharing some funny stories of how we've "suffered from" Momnesia.

In my novel, Momnesia, the main character diagnoses herself with Momnesia (see definition to the right) and realizes she needs to pursue her own interests.

What activities or hobbies do you enjoy that help counteract the feeling that your family has completely taken over?

I'll go first: Reminding myself to put on music I enjoy. It's easy, can be enjoyed even in short bursts, and makes chores get done a heck of a lot faster.

Looking forward to hearing yours! Men, you can participate too! Post your reply in the comment box below:
What activities or hobbies do you enjoy that help counteract the feeling that your family has completely taken over?"

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Conference Summary: From Fun to Feedback

Well, it was an exciting week. I went to NYC for four days to attend a writer's conference. Had some other adventures along the way: lunch with a friend I haven't seen in 10 years, an authentic Spanish dinner with my cousin Ellen, a harrowing ride on a pedi-cab (those people are nuts!), and enough wine Friday night to keep me marinated for a week. The shoe shopping was good, the hotel was great, and I met a fantastic singer whose performances I look forward to seeing.

The writer's conference itself? In my mind, a success. My book was well-received by both agents and fellow authors alike, I learned quite a bit about the industry, and I look forward to sending "my baby" out into the world over the next few weeks.

It was very validating to find that I don't just love my book because it's mine... it actually is a good book that other people (really!) want to read. And not just any people, but people who have an impartial perspective; who don't know me and love me, but are nonetheless psyched about my book.

The Momnesia Chronicles will continue in a few days... as soon as my feet heal from all the walking and my heart heals from being away from my husband for four days. See you soon!

Friday, May 28, 2010

I'm At the Writer's Conference!...

I'm in NYC for the Backspace Writer's Conference. Actually, I've been here since Wednesday and I would have told you but I was too busy hoping that I wasn't the only one who likes the trees in the proverbial forest that is my book.

Yesterday was "Agent-Author" day and much to my relief, both my query letter and sample pages of my book were well received. No, the agents did not clamor for my attention, jumping off their podiums and begging to represent my book. But they did seem interested, which is what I hoped for.

Because, although I'm confident that it's a good book, it is also... well, mine. Which means that (not unlike our children), I couldn't disregard the possibility that maybe other people wouldn't love it quite as much as I do. As the adage goes, sometimes it's hard to see the forest because of all the trees in the way. Or something like that.

Today I launch into another day of seminars, networking, and workshops. I'm entering my book into a contest, "Midtown Idol." Alternately pumped up on coffee and eating bits of chocolate to get through the adrenaline valleys, I'm headed for another day of learning, networking, and probably a little fun.

There's even a cocktail party tonight, and I'm sure I'll need it (too bad they don't have a morning one as well). Wish me luck!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Momnesia Chronicles: Episode 1 continues...

Thanks to those of you who have participated by commenting on the blog (and also those who have phoned and e-mailed!) Hope you're enjoying the little break from your hectic day, and maybe even having a laugh or two!

Here's another good one:

You might be experiencing Momnesia if...
You find yourself with some free time and the first thing that pops into your head is: "Thank goodness... now I can go food shopping by myself!"

Got any good ones? Post your comment here!

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Momnesia Chronicles: Episode 1

Thanks for joining the fun with The Momnesia Chronicles!

What are The Momnesia Chronicles? A fun way to connect with other women for a few laughs, a break from your hectic day, and a little commiserative fun! I look forward to your comments, and anticipate quite a few laughs together!

In my novel, Momnesia, the main character, Shelley, struggles to find a balance between her "motherliness" and her "womanliness," after diagnosing herself with Momnesia:

Momnesia (mahm-nee-zhuh) -noun-
Loss of the memory of who you used to be. Caused by stretch marks, toddler play dates, and trying to keep the house cleaner than the Joneses.

What about you? Have you or someone you know ever "suffered from" Momnesia? I know I sure have! So let's kick off the first episode of The Momnesia Chronicles with this question (I'll go first):

You might be suffering from Momnesia if:
You've ever found yourself sitting at your computer ordering American Girl Doll pajamas, and realize they are not only prettier than yours, but more expensive too!

Can't wait to hear yours! Please feel free to share this with your friends who may want to join in!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Is she Me? Clarifying Momnesia

So, yesterday I sent out several hundred invitations to my upcoming blog event, "The Momnesia Chronicles." I also provided a link to a brief synopsis of my novel, Momnesia.

In response, I received many, many phone calls, e-mails, Facebook posts and the like (thank you!)... many of which included statements like, "It sounds like it's the story of your life!"

I have to laugh. One of the most enjoyable aspects of Momnesia is that it creates parallels with many of our lives. But alas, I could only dream of having some of the strengths my book's character does, and on the other side of that?... I'm also glad my life has not been nearly as dramatic as hers.

Of course, there are similarities. Yes, we are both Type-A New Yorkers who have relocated to North Carolina. Yes, I have been known to enjoy Metallica CDs. Yes, we each have two cats; both rotten. But that's about it.

Thankfully, my husband is not hung up on get-rich-quick schemes (and neither is my ex-husband), my mother doesn't imply that I sit around eating Bon-Bons all day... well, you get the point.

It's a fictional story--drummed up from my imagination combined with experiences I've had, observed, or thought about.

On second thought, there is another similarity between me and Shelley in the book: We've both suffered from severe cases of "Momnesia." What about you?

I'm looking forward to sharing our stories beginning Friday when I launch "The Momnesia Chronicles" here on my blog. Stay tuned!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Introducing... The Momnesia Chronicles!

Have you or someone you know ever suffered from Momnesia?

Momnesia (mahm-nee-zhuh) -noun-
Loss of the memory of who you used to be. Caused by stretch marks, toddler play dates, and trying to keep the house cleaner than the Joneses.

If so, you'll love my upcoming series, The Momnesia Chronicles! Join me for some fun, laughs, and commiserative rapport beginning this Friday, May 21! You can share your own parables with Momnesia, make comments, or just take a break from your hectic day.

Know someone who may be interested? Share this on Facebook!

Don't want to miss out? Follow this blog so you can stay tuned!

I've also recently posted a synopsis of my novel, Momnesia, for your enjoyment. Click here to read the synopsis!

I look forward to "playing with you," here on my blog in the upcoming weeks! See you then!

Monday, May 10, 2010

There's No Such Thing as "Done"

I've written a book. Three books actually, although only one of them is already published, while the other will soon be sent out into the world to woo representation from an agent who will love it as much as I do. (The third... don't ask. It's been three years and I still haven't recovered from the crash of my hard drive.)

The books, technically, are both done. Which is what they have to be before they can be published or offered to an agent. Obviously.

But alas, experience tells me that in my own mind, they will never be "finished." Because despite the great reviews on Amazon, despite the positive comments from newspaper book reviewers, and regardless of the industry professionals who tout my book to their circle of influence on a regular basis, there are still things I'd like to change.

In both books. As well as just about every article, blog post, e-mail, or other document I've written.

I write quickly. Then I edit. Then I walk away. Then I reread, edit again, walk away again, and usually (particularly with shorter material), I'm done. Pleased with my work, I hit Send, happy with meeting my deadline.

Unfortunately, I also have a tendency to go back and read them again. And again.

After.

After it's too late to make further changes. After it's already been read by the recipient. And I'm sure it will happen long after my agent is happily representing me and my book, offering it to editors, also thinking it is "done."

If I have to be honest (and I do), I've probably read my House Training book at least 36 times.

And I've never not found something I wished I could change.

Which brings me back to my original point: There's really no such thing as "done."

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Maybe I Should Become a "Trend Setter?"

It's funny, how life takes some of us from one career to another; transitioning between the two almost seamlessly, without ever having planned it.

I am an example of this. I began as a paralegal, which brought to light my desire to be self-employed. That lead to me investigating a multitude of business ideas, ultimately choosing to become a Certified Master Dog Trainer. I owned two dog training schools over the course of 15 years, and enjoyed many aspects.

Surprisingly, this led to becoming a writer and public speaker: What began as the occasional pet-related discussion or article, eventually metamorphosed into business-related seminars and articles, a newspaper column, a five-year stint as a journalist, and one published book ("Everything You Need to Know About House Training Puppies and Adult Dogs").

Now I'm an author and small business consultant. When you spell it all out it makes sense, but looking at the big picture it seems incongruous.

Today, my husband forwarded me an article about home improvement trends... an uncannily coincidental article, given that just last night we were standing in our kitchen and I was suggesting exactly the same concepts.

This is not the first time this has happened: I was also searching for white "cottage" bedroom furniture two years before everyone else; not to mention the rustic black living room furniture I had custom-made by a Vermont craftsman for $2,000 (about two years before Target started selling it for $200). I also chose room colors of sage green and deep gold right before the rest of the world did... a little annoying if you ask me. I liked it when mine was unique.

I wonder whether I can make a career out of being a trend setter? This morning, I was thinking about how I love oil-rubbed bronze fixtures, but they just don't "go" with stainless-steel appliances. A quick Google search revealed that they are just coming onto the scene. Literally. I mean like this week.

Okay, so now you can go out and outfit your home with bronze appliances. Send me a check in the mail for my services.

Meanwhile, I've decided to outsmart everyone and go back to the old-fashioned avocado green appliances my grandmother had in the fifties.

Monday, May 3, 2010

A Day in the Life of a Writer

I'm a writer. I'm also a mom, a homemaker, and oh yeah... a small business consultant. Having been a writer for more than 15 years now, I've tried a variety of daily schedules, none of which seem to be perfect.

First there was the rookie schedule of trying to fit writing in after all of my other stuff was done. Um... not good. Since other stuff is rarely "finished," the result was that very little writing actually got done.

Then there was the night owl schedule, utilized when I was writing my House Training book. Lots of writing got done during the dark of night while my family slept and there were no interruptions from the phone, repairmen, or even the pets. Unfortunately, not much was accomplished during the day, as I existed in a near-comatose state from having been up all night.

More recently, I implemented the "I am a writer" schedule, in which I wrote all day, leaving my other responsibilities for evenings and weekends. Which also didn't work because those times are decidedly busy with the children's activities as well as the precious opportunity to spend time with my husband. I eliminated this schedule upon the realization that I was buying more underwear for the entire family in order to stave off the laundry just a little longer.

Today starts my new writing schedule: the two-hour alternating block. In which I write for two hours, then work on other things for two hours, then return to writing. I'm hoping that there may be an additional benefit wherein stepping away from the computer to attend to other responsibilities will allow me to view my projects with a fresh perspective when I return. While also getting laundry, client's press releases (does that count as writing?), and summer planting done.

Okay, see you in two hours. If you need to reach me before then, I hope you'll leave a message.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Confessions of a Type-A Octopus

Is it possible to have a successful career and a good family life, both at the same time? That is today's question, and I'm here to attest that it is. And it isn't. Both.

Obviously, many of us manage to succeed in both arenas; skillfully multitasking Girl Scout e-mails in-between work e-mails, and stopping on the way home to pick up cupcakes.

But I've also learned that there are times when the Type-A part of me has to "let go," otherwise I'd make myself crazy. I will share with you that, despite my best efforts, I have worked with spit-up stains on my blouse (attained just seconds before departing Grandma's); Likewise, my husband has gone to his office with glitter on his slacks (since glitter is attracted to his car upholstery with the same impenetrable vengeance that normally applies only to cat fur).

Yes, it's a balancing act. We want to be ultra-professional at work, yet there for our families at home. Most of the time we succeed, but on the occasions when one affects the other, we have no choice but to forgive ourselves; the only other option being a straightjacket.

Last week, I taught a seminar three hours from my home. It started at 3:00. At 2:36, I received a phone call with an emergency about my kids. What's a mom to do? Other than thanking my lucky stars that they have both a Dad and a Stepdad who are extraordinarily capable, there was no way I could be there. Yet obviously, this was preying on my mind, and shutting my cell phone at 2:56, forcing myself to focus on providing an energetic, interesting three-hour workshop was one of the hardest things I've had to do.

It all worked out okay. Thankfully, my kids were fine. And the seminar also went well. I received much positive feedback, which was reassuring, although some people (including myself) were a little disappointed that my timing was off. Overall, the program was a success.

Was it as perfect as I'd have like it to be? Absolutely not. Was I thrilled about being torn between my responsibilities? Definitely no. But in the end, we Type-A people who choose to do both will inevitably be faced with the occasion where we'll have to forgive ourselves for being mere octupuses rather than centipedes.

Although at times it's hard to find solace that "At least I'm not an insect."

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Researching the Query Letter

Like many things in life, there are some things you can be very good at, but if no one knows about it, it won't make a difference. For example, if you're an amazing massage therapist who has no clients, you can't help people feel better.

The same applies to my novel. I (of course) believe it's a great novel that many people will enjoy. But if it doesn't get published, no one will get to read it; the world will be deprived of my entertaining and thought-provoking book.

Having researched query letters and what agents want to know, I've compiled a list of pertinent aspects, including: Show your "voice," tell what the story is about, highlight your credentials, discuss future goals, explain why you think they'd be right for your book, and more.

Great! I wholly agree with these elements and would love to include them all in my query letter... which will be either gobbled up, spat out, or completely ignored. Hopefully gobbled.

But alas. There is also the number one, overriding rule of query letters: They must be no longer than one page. One double spaced page. With one-inch margins.

Sigh. Since I don't think my daughter's suggestion of using "texting language" will work (here is my book 4 U 2 C), I guess I'll just keep at it.

Okay, so now I'm signing off of here and getting started on QueryLetter2,592.doc. Wish me luck!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Educational Conference, Complete!

As many of you know, I've been preparing to teach at the AMTA Educational Conference in Hickory, NC, and yesterday was the day! It was a beautiful day for driving and I was very fortunate to have a close girlfriend keep me company for the three-hour-each-way trip.

"Creative Marketing Outside the Box," was a success. With about 30 attendees taking my class, conversation flowed, brainstorming abounded, my Powerpoint presentation (much to my relief) didn't freeze up, and most of the feedback was great.

Yes, I received instantaneous feedback. Pleasantly, there were numerous people who approached me at the end to verbally tell me they enjoyed it. But I'd also included a feedback card for people to fill out, and I anxiously leafed through them immediately upon the room clearing out. On a scale of 1-5, I received several 5's, many 4's and just one or two 3's.

But of course, there's always that one person who was already an "expert of all things," who hated my class and vehemently voiced her objections on the form.

Sorting through the cards, I was feeling all warm and fuzzy as one after the next made comments about how they really feel they'll be able to improve their businesses and save money on expenses; it was entertaining and made time fly; and they're feeling much more motivated and hopeful. It was great stuff!

So why is it that when I came across the one negative one--despite the fact that I know "there's always one in every group"--drives me crazy to the point of almost entirely negating the multitude of positive ones?

Perfectionistic tendencies? Naw. Couldn't be.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Remind Me to Never Write a Book

When I say that you should remind me to never write a book, I'm kidding. Well, mostly kidding. I do love writing, and I do love books. So it only makes sense that writing books would be something I love to do. Right?

Write. I mean right. Sorry, I can't think straight anymore. Because the reality of writing a book goes way further than simply writing the book in and of itself. "Oh my! You've written a novel?" people say. "Don't you already have that dog training book?"

Yes, I do. And I am proud of my books--truly I am--both my nonfiction house training book, and my new novel. Nonetheless, I have to remind myself not to roll my eyes when people make such exclamations. Why? Because of the editing. And the revising. And the revisions of the edited, revised, and further edited versions.

If you're not a writer, it's hard to imagine that you could spend half an hour deciding whether or not you always have to say "whether or not," or whether you can sometimes just say "whether." It's mind-boggling. And with over 110,000 words in a book, (um, that's about 10,000 too many... they need to be edited out), the quandaries abound at every turn.

Or not even every turn. It's every line! Or, more accurately, every word! I was recently reading my Writer's Digest magazine and came across some invaluable advice: For each word, sentence, and paragraph, ask yourself this question: "What is the purpose of having this in here?"

Sigh. Here I was, thinking I was thisclose to being absolutely "done."

Then again, I am done. For now. Although a big part of me realizes that all advice is good to consider, and this particular advice makes an extremely legitimate point, I'll have try it on the next round of revisions. Which, knowing me, will start tomorrow.

Hopefully, I'll remember all of these words of wisdom as well as the multitude of decisions I've made on the minutae of text. I should probably keep a list. But I can barely keep up with all of the writing I already do: editing and revising my book, writing my blog, all of the e-mails, contests, outlines for seminars I'm teaching... well, you get the point.

I'll just have to hope I remember it all for the next book. If I'm ever brave enough to write one again.

Which I'm sure I will be. I always am.

Friday, April 16, 2010

The Writing is Never-Ending

I write. A lot. And, thinking about it, I don't just write because I'm a writer. Of course, I work on my novel, create workbooks and presentations for the seminars I teach, and I write this blog.

But there is far more writing than that, and I can't help wondering how people who are not particularly writers handle this? There are the long, conversational e-mails that maintain cohesive relationships with my children's teachers. There are e-mails to coordinate our family's activities with other parents, dance instructors, and even Grandma, who is as fast a typist as I am. There are replies to Facebook posts, dispute letters to credit card companies, and a multitude of other needs for writing on a daily basis.

It's grueling sometimes. And that's despite me having the ability to type approximately 10,000 words per minute with the near-accuracy of a brain surgeon. How do people do it? Hunting and pecking, laboriously eeking out one word per minute?; it's the equivalent of me being forced to work on my own car--I could do it, but it would be an agonizingly slow process with questionable results.

Speaking of my car, I dropped it off for service yesterday. I had an extensive mental list of all the little things I wanted checked, and before leaving to drop it off at the late-night key drop, I considered typing a list. But I was too exhausted. I phoned and left them a ten-minute message instead.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Is Insomnia a Given for Writers?

Many writers will tell you that they stay up late into the night working on their manuscript, often compelled by forces beyond our control. Ideas come flooding in just as you're about to drift off; or that word that you've been trying to think of that means "pixielike," but works better since you're not writing a children's book.

I have the very real potential to be that writer. Always more of a night owl, I could easily slip into the habit of writing from approximately midnight to 3:00 am, getting more accomplished in those three hours than I do in a normal eight-hour day.

Oh, it's not just the constant interruptions from the phone, the UPS driver, or the neighbors; nor is it simply my children, who need my attention once they're home from school. No, it goes way deeper than that. This is instinct on the most basic level... just like it was years ago when I would clean my apartment late at night, with my walkman on my head, slightly frustrated at having to leave the vacuuming for the light of day.

Instead, I force myself to get up and stay up at 6:00 am when my first child gets up for school. I spend a little time with my hubby, walking him to the door like the little woman I fancy myself to be, then I continue with the next round of getting kids ready. Throughout the day, I alternately work on my book and field the interruptions, while my evening is filled with the togetherness (and craziness) that is the norm for healthy, active families.

Late in the evening after the kids are in bed, is the only time of day I can really spend with my husband. Who I'm crazy about. So I do. I ignore the fantastic new ideas that pop into my head, haphazardly jotting them on sticky notes instead of typing them into my book; praying that I'll remember tomorrow what I meant.

By 10 pm, I'm exhausted; toothpicks are holding my eyes open. By 10:30 I'm wide awake, my second-wind having kicked in. But the rational me--the one who realizes that to stay up would put me on the opposite schedule than my family, which I would surely regret for days when my body has to readjust--admonishes myself to "just cut it out and go to sleep now."

Which is what I just told the kids two hours earlier.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

My First Blog: I've joined a forum!

It's interesting--my writing career has been underway for over twelve years, yet I've never been involved in the "writing community," so to speak. Turns out, there are a plethora of online communities, blogs, forums, and other resources for writers to enjoy the camaraderie and share the knowledge of others. Oh, I knew they were there; I just didn't get involved with them until now.

I recently joined Backspace, a site for writers that's rich in resources of every kind. I can make friends! I can request impartial critiques! I can join contests, watch videos, and read a multitude of articles written by top industry professionals!

But alas, I've been a member for a whole week now, and haven't had much time to participate. After all, I am revising and editing my manuscript. Again. (Someone better take it out of my hands soon, because no matter how good it gets, I can't seem to stop). I'm preparing to teach at one conference and attend another, while juggling four kids and their insane social schedules.

Although, I did enter a contest: there was the potential to win a scholarship to attend the Backspace Conference, which for me would be a significant financial windfall. When voting opened to all forum members, I excitedly checked the contest page and was pleased to discover that there were only six entries--in my mind vastly increasing the potential that I could win.

I read each entry and then, feeling a little guilty, voted for myself. Checking back later (and checking and checking and checking), I became more hopeful when I saw that someone else had voted for me. I had two votes! Logging off, I vowed that I wouldn't check again until the next day, and I only cheated once. Still two votes.

Within a few days, all was said and done. I did not win. In fact, I never did receive any more votes, while two of the other contenders received 13 and 9. Were theirs that much better than mine? Does my writing suck? Of course, I loved my story and my husband did too, but we might not be the most impartial audience.

Researcher that I am, (and realizing that this was not an anonymous contest), I decided to do some investigating, upon which I discovered that the two highest-ranked entries were written by the two with the highest forum participation. Coincidence? Surely it couldn't be that voters on the forums--educated, knowledgeable people who understand the love and skill that goes into the craft--voted for their entries simply because they're friends. Would they?

Is it possible that the writing world--like all the rest--is a dog-eat-dog world? Who knows? I have no idea. I mean, their stories were good, but... Maybe I'm just a sore loser. Maybe my writing does suck. I guess we'll see next year when my participation numbers are up.

Then again, I'm busy. Very busy. So who knows how high I can get them? Guess I'll just keep doing what I do, and be glad for all of you, my readers, who hopefully don't think I suck.