I Refuse to Buy Groceries For My Family

I refuse to buy groceries for my family. It's true. I do this several times a year and while my family hates it, I love it.

You see, I get tired of working around the giant cases of Carnation Instant Breakfast/Goldfish/Granola Bars in my pantry. You know the ones... the ones they beg you to buy after eating the item every single day for a month. They convince you that they really are going to continue to eat them, so (silly moms), we stock up on these things thinking, "I'm going to save by buying them in bulk!"

No sooner do you finish unloading them from your car (giant, heavy things bought at a warehouse store that doesn't provide bags, but should), than your children decide, "We're not in the mood for those anymore!"

Well, they're in the mood for them now. Why? Because I won't buy any new food of any kind until all the food in the house has been finished. And I do mean everything. Every snack, every strange flavor of jelly, every packet of single-serving macaroni and cheese that they begged for.

Likewise, I also use up all the things I myself have accumulated. It's fun! Pretty soon I'll be figuring out how to make dinner out of six frozen shrimp, one lamb chop, a can of beets, and a package of Jiffy corn muffin mix.

It's actually a great way to save money and reorganize the pantry, all at the same time. When I finally do go shopping, I'll have all my coupons clipped and none of the food in the house will be past its expiration date.

This, of course, speaks to my "momminess" side. My "sexiness" side? Keep an eye out for a different blog post!


I am the author of "Momnesia," a hot new release in contemporary women's fiction, coming 3/16/2012. It's about a suburban mom who, struggling between her "momminess" and her "sexiness," diagnoses herself with "Momnesia" and sets about finessing a new version of her old vivaciousness! To learn more, including previewing the first two chapters free, I invite you to visit: www.LoriVerniFogarsi.com.

The Library is Now For Running and Screaming

Times have changed so that it is now acceptable to run and scream in the library. Also, make and receive phone calls, shout across to others, and utilize the public computers to chat on Facebook for hours while people who need to do actual research wait in line.

Either that, or I’m getting old and crochety. Probably both.

I do love my library, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t enjoy actually being inside it as much as I used to.

For example, when my kids were babies (they are only 10 and 13 now), I used to take them to Story Time at the library. All of the mommies and toddlers would respectfully walk to the children’s area, where we would use our quiet voices. Even after the story, when we would sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider, it was done in hushed tones.

Of course, there were plenty of times when my kids or others started crying, screaming, or trying to run around. However, we mommies did our best to stop them and I can recall more than one occasion when I carried them out… with them kicking and screaming, and me apologizing.

Not so today. Nowadays (see, I told you I’m getting old) the Story Time songs are sung at top volume, regardless of the fact that the other 4/5 of the library contains adults trying to concentrate. Afterward, the kids are literally running everywhere, while their parents either ignore them altogether, chatting as if in a coffee clatch, or roll their eyes and shrug as if there’s not a thing they could do about it.

This phenomenon carries through to other times of the day too. Loud conversations on cell phones, toddlers having screaming tantrums while the mom decides this would be the perfect time to chat with the librarian for twenty minutes, etc.

While the library is an extreme example, I have also noticed this in other places, such as restaurants, grocery stores, etc. Which makes me wonder, Was I too strict when my kids were babies? Or are people just letting them run haywire now?

Do you notice this too? I’d be curious to know what you think!

Marble Notebook Mystery

Between preschool, elementary school, and now middle school, suffice it to say that I have plenty of experience with the need for marble notebooks.

More specifically, I am accustomed to the annual deficit of marble notebooks--right when you need them--at the beginning of the school year.

Oh sure, I see them throughout the rest of the year; I even see them the week before school supply lists are posted. But do I buy them? Nooo. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.

Instead, I wait for the school supply lists to come out. Which always (from preschool to high school) involve marble notebooks. At which point we do the school supply shopping and get every single thing on the lists with the exception of the elusive marble notebooks, which are undoubtedly sold out at every Wal-Mart, Target, Staples, etc.

I smack myself on the forehead, thinking, "Why, oh why didn't I just buy them when they were in stock?" (Not to mention on sale for 50 cents instead of $1.50.)

27 stores later when we finally find them, I tell my girls to each pick an extra notebook, to have just in case. I am so smart, I think to myself. I am outsmarting those rotten non-stocking marble notebook people once and for all!

Then the kids come home throughout the first week with additional supplies needed, which always exceed the one extra marble notebook we bought. Foiled!

Then there's the further dilemma that now, marble notebooks are not even marble anymore! Not only do they come in green, blue, red, and yellow in addition to the classic black, but they also come in peace signs, rainbows, kittens, Miley Cyrus, and ten thousand other designs. And I don't know about you, but to my girls, the picture on the outside of the notebook is perhaps more important than having the school supply itself.

School started here in NC two weeks ago and I meant to forewarn my friends who live in other states, all of whom surely forget this every year just as I do. But I was too busy running to stores looking for the notebooks.

Yesterday, I was in Staples and found "marble" notebooks on sale for $1. Not such a great price, I know. I bought six of them in various designs. They're the emergency backup marble notebooks (which of course we will not need until next year, at which point they'll be out of style).

Hey friends... if you get desperate, I can ship them to you! Sure, they'll end up being $5 marble notebooks, but... oh yeah, school has already started by you too. In fact, you're probably reading this blog on your mobile device in between running to stores looking for marble notebooks.

Sorry.

Let's vow to help one another remember to stock up on them at Easter time this year. Sure, they'll all have bunnies, but we will have marble notebooks before school starts next year! Who's in?

Dog Days of Summer

I wish I were a dog. No, really!

If I were a dog, I could lay around and sleep all day, have several meals served to me by doting people who love me, play when I'm in the mood, and... well, that's about it.

Instead, my days consist of getting up at the crack of dawn in order to get some work done before the kids get up, followed by dragging them out of bed and trying to get them to "do something." Anything. (Other than watch television, that is; if left to their own accord, they'd be like vegetables before the end of one week... vegetables who can quote George Lopez verbatim but can't remember how to spell their own names.)

After school being out for two months already, the pool (now mostly empty) is the temperature of a hot tub, we've seen several movies, they've gone roller skating, have had friends over, and have done all the rest of the things kids do during summer break. I, on the other hand, have done very little that adults like to do, as there is no money (or energy) left after paying for the aforementioned activities and more.

They're done. We're ALL done. Even the cats are bored; I swear they rolled their eyes at me this morning when I opened the door to the screened porch and suggested they go scare some birds. Sure, there's Girl Scout camp next week, several more parties and play dates, people coming from out of town to visit. But in the end, all of us are ready for back to school time.

But there's still a month to go.

Sigh. I think I'll go next door and hang out with the neighbor's dog.

How Can I Be This Busy?

Summer is here. The kids are out of school, my book is in limbo, and I have no big client projects to work on. So how can I be so busy?

Sure, there are the typical household chores that need to be done: laundry, food shopping, maintaining the house, picking up the cat's prescription food. But those things are normally accomplished even when work is busy.

I think I've identified the problem: I tend to leave "big projects" for the summer, thinking I'll have all the time in the world to get them done. Cleaning the kids' closets with them (a mother's torture). Well visits, eye exams, and dental cleanings (ugh!). Letting all four kids invite friends to the lake house over the course of a week, resulting in anywhere from 8-12 kids at any given time, all of whom need to be picked up, dropped off, and fed, but few of whom can provide a real answer as to when exactly they'll be joining us.

On my desk are four lists, none of which are getting any tasks crossed off because I am stalling by ranting on this blog.

Okay. Deep breath. I will tackle the list. Lists. Soon. As soon as I have some more coffee and read another chapter in the book I just started reading. It is, after all, summer.