Apparently, I'm Old & I Didn't Even Know It!

A year-and-a-half ago, I turned 40. Not so very old, right? That's what I thought until I discovered that yes, in fact, at least according to the medical community, it is old... not that they'd just say so!

It all started at my annual eye exam, when I was 39 and the doctor said, "Your eyes are fine right now, but we'll see how they are next year when you're 40." No, he was not kidding... I asked.

Next was the gynecologist: "You may want to consider taking further steps due to your family history of estrogen-related cancer, but we'll examine that more next year, when you're 40." Seriously? Was I that much more likely to contract cancer 6 months from then? Apparently so.

My fortieth birthday approached. I was so excited! With my husband's birthday and mine being only two weeks apart, we planned a celebration that included traveling, visiting family, and attending a Nickelback concert. Fun, eh? Should have been, except that while we were away, my standard head cold somehow managed to turn into pneumonia, which then kicked off a year of doctor appointments.

The urgent care doctor, while on vacation: "As we age, the body has a greater tendency to progress into more serious illness."

The stomach ulcer doctor, after taking antibiotics for 3 months: "As we mature, our systems are more prone to these sorts of side-effects."

Some guy, when I was out for cocktails with my husband and he'd stepped away to the restroom: "You're pretty hot for an old chick!" (I did explain that he was highly unlikely to get laid using that line on anyone.)

The dermatologist, where I went for my annual skin exam (so responsible!): "These dots you're asking about are common in women your age."

The endocrinologist, who I consulted trying to figure out why I can't lose an ounce of the 25 lbs. I gained from taking steroids for 3 months during the pneumonia: "Once we're over 40, losing weight can be extremely challenging. You may need to accept a different view of yourself at this stage of life."

This stage of life? Seriously? Here I was, thinking I was on top of the world... perhaps one of the only people NOT suffering from a midlife crisis, honestly feeling okay about being forty.

Well not anymore! Now forty-one-and-a-half, the other day I went to (yet another) doctor about a cyst on my leg. "What would make me get this sort of thing, and how do I prevent it?" I asked. He shook his head, looked me straight in the eye and said, "There's nothing you can do about getting old."

At least he told it like it is! I'm thinking I should order a cane, which I'll surely start needing at any moment! I went food shopping and got some prunes because, well, that's what my grandmother always did. Turns out, they're delicious!

Oldness. I really am fine with it. After all, I am pretty hot... for an old chick!

Winter is Cold and So Am I

Winter. It's cold, right? In many places, yes, but not so much where I live, which is in North Carolina. I mean, I do have to wear a light jacket here and there, but compared to New York, where I lived for the first 34 years of my life, winter here is like a balmy breeze. No shoveling, no window scraping, maybe a couple of inches of snow for the entire season--and it's all gone within a day.

So why the title, "Winter is Cold and So Am I"? The truth is, sometimes I feel downright cold. Not cold temperature-wise, but cold-hearted.  There are days when it seems that I hate just about everything. Even things I sometimes love!

For example, coupons. They're so much work! You have to remember to bring them, figure out which is the best deal, remember to use them at the register, make sure you have the coordinating rewards card with you. My question is, why don't they just make all the prices cheaper and save us all this work? Stores would be saving work and money for themselves, too, not having to utilize expensive equipment and take up employees' time.

And French toast. That's another thing. Here in NC there's a phenomenon where if there's even the slightest mention of a possible snow flurry, everyone runs to the store to buy bread, milk, and eggs. Because surely if it were to snow, we'd all have to make French toast. It would be a French toast emergency! The problem? These French-toast-supply-stocker-uppers are in the way of we normal people who simply need to buy bread so we'll have it for sandwiches!

Come to think of it, a lot of the things I feel "cold" about have to do with shopping. An activity I normally love! The other day, the heel broke off my favorite pair of sexy boots. Sad but semi-okay, because now I have an excuse to go shoe shopping! (Surely I would not be expected to live without sexy boots, right?) Yet I'm not looking forward to shopping because I know that I have a $10 off thing for my favorite shoe store and since I can't find it, I'll feel ripped off paying full price.

Other things I have a love/hate relationship with include: house flags (which one am I supposed to put up now that Valentine's is over and Easter is so far away?), the Internet (so convenient yet inconvenient), my cats (so adorable, but not when they puke), and many, many other things.

It's become obvious that I need a break from the normal world. A trip to the lake, where I can literally spend an entire weekend and not have to interact with anyone.

Oh, and there's good news, too! My publisher is running a coupon code (gasp!) for 10% off "Momnesia" books. Use code BOOKCLUB10 to get 10% off already reduced wholesale pricing.

See, I told you... there are things I both love and hate!


I am an author whose novel, "Momnesia," will be released 3/16/12 in Paperback and Kindle. I've been a freelance writer, journalist, columnist, and seminar speaker for 15+ years, and also have a nonfiction book, "Everything You Need to Know About House Training Puppies & Adult Dogs," published in 2005. I'm a happily married mom of two, step mom of two more, and have two cats, both rotten. Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy my blog!

I Refuse to Buy Groceries For My Family

I refuse to buy groceries for my family. It's true. I do this several times a year and while my family hates it, I love it.

You see, I get tired of working around the giant cases of Carnation Instant Breakfast/Goldfish/Granola Bars in my pantry. You know the ones... the ones they beg you to buy after eating the item every single day for a month. They convince you that they really are going to continue to eat them, so (silly moms), we stock up on these things thinking, "I'm going to save by buying them in bulk!"

No sooner do you finish unloading them from your car (giant, heavy things bought at a warehouse store that doesn't provide bags, but should), than your children decide, "We're not in the mood for those anymore!"

Well, they're in the mood for them now. Why? Because I won't buy any new food of any kind until all the food in the house has been finished. And I do mean everything. Every snack, every strange flavor of jelly, every packet of single-serving macaroni and cheese that they begged for.

Likewise, I also use up all the things I myself have accumulated. It's fun! Pretty soon I'll be figuring out how to make dinner out of six frozen shrimp, one lamb chop, a can of beets, and a package of Jiffy corn muffin mix.

It's actually a great way to save money and reorganize the pantry, all at the same time. When I finally do go shopping, I'll have all my coupons clipped and none of the food in the house will be past its expiration date.

This, of course, speaks to my "momminess" side. My "sexiness" side? Keep an eye out for a different blog post!


I am the author of "Momnesia," a hot new release in contemporary women's fiction, coming 3/16/2012. It's about a suburban mom who, struggling between her "momminess" and her "sexiness," diagnoses herself with "Momnesia" and sets about finessing a new version of her old vivaciousness! To learn more, including previewing the first two chapters free, I invite you to visit: www.LoriVerniFogarsi.com.

Introducing... The Momnesia Chronicles!

Have you or someone you know ever suffered from Momnesia?

Momnesia (mahm-nee-zhuh) -noun-
Loss of the memory of who you used to be. Caused by stretch marks, toddler play dates, and trying to keep the house cleaner than the Joneses.

If so, you'll love my upcoming series, The Momnesia Chronicles! Join me for some fun, laughs, and commiserative rapport beginning this Friday, May 21! You can share your own parables with Momnesia, make comments, or just take a break from your hectic day.

Know someone who may be interested? Share this on Facebook!

Don't want to miss out? Follow this blog so you can stay tuned!

I've also recently posted a synopsis of my novel, Momnesia, for your enjoyment. Click here to read the synopsis!

I look forward to "playing with you," here on my blog in the upcoming weeks! See you then!