You Know What They Say About "Assuming"

Just in case you're not familiar, what they say is that when you assume, you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me." (Catchy, eh?)

I don't know if I would go so far as to say that I, or anyone else has been made an "ass" of, but I do feel that I should clarify a bit: As my readers know, I am a big proponent of finding balance between "momminess" and "sexiness." This is evidenced by a multitude of articles, tweets, interviews, and features that all tend to lean the same way. My overall message is this:

We women tend to put so much effort into our families, that we often forget about ourselves. Thus, we need to direct some effort toward taking good care of our Selves, so that we can enjoy our children and our overall life in peace, happiness, and the absence of resentment.

However, I'm realizing that there is an assumed message in all this, the assumption being that (as I've found to be the case), most of us don't have any problem finding our "momminess." We don't need to be reminded to sing preschool songs, play bubble bath games, and talk to our teens in the car on the way to their activities. We already do these things. As well as cook, clean, work, attend school functions, volunteer our time, take care of the pets, and the multifarious other things we, as dedicated moms, do.

Now, I'm sure there are--somewhere out there--moms who have not found their "momminess." For their childrens' sake, I hope they find their mommy groove so they can provide nurturing lives for the children they've chosen to bring into this world. But they are not my "target audience." The vast majority of us moms have already found (and often have been overtaken by) our "momminess." It's our sexiness that needs encouragement, and that's what I try to do.

Since I don't want to leave anyone out, I'd like to provide this advice for any moms out there who need encouragement to find their "momminess:" Sing songs, play bubble bath games, and talk to your teens in the car. When you are at home, make sure their schoolwork is done, praise them lavishly for good work, and punish them when they need it. Try and eat as many meals together as possible. Tuck them in at night with hugs and kisses, and a story. Then go pour yourself a glass of wine, light some scented candles, and be "you." Just you. It makes it easier to do all this other stuff. Balance. We can be both.

Love you!
xoxoxoxo

You Might Have Momnesia If...

MOMNESIA (mahm-nee-zhuh) -noun-

Loss of the memory of who you used to be. Caused by pregnancy, play dates, and trying to keep the house cleaner than the Joneses.

My novel, "Momnesia," is about an unconventional entrepreneur who, struggling between her "momminess" and her "sexiness," diagnoses herself with Momnesia and sets about finessing a new version of her old vivaciousness!

This has led to lots of (sometimes serious, sometimes funny, but always commiserative) conversation about Finding Balance, identifying when you've "lost yourself," etc. Features have included The Boston Globe, WRAL, and more.

So, how do you know if you're "suffering from" Momnesia? You might have Momnesia if:

• Your mascara hasn't been used in so long, it's too crusty to open!
• Your Aerosoles far outnumber your stilettos!
• Your back gets sunburned every summer because you were too busy lotioning everyone else!
• You haven't seen a movie that wasn't animated in recent memory!
• There are no children around but you still say, "I need to go pee pee!"
• You and your husband are at The Great Wolf Lodge (or Disney, or some such venue), surrounded by screaming children and pretend characters, yet you feel like you're on a date because your kids are more than four inches away and you are drinking a beer!
• Showering feels like a special occasion!
• The thought of date night sounds more exhausting than exciting!
• There are no children around, yet you still call one another Mommy and Daddy!
• It feels farfetched to imagine that you would even have time to read "Momnesia!"

And the absolute, number one, most identifying symptom of Momnesia:

• You can hear "Buzz" and "Woody" and think only of "Toy Story!"

Do you have any good ones to add? Post them in the comments here! You can also join my discussions underway on Facebook (www.Facebook.com/LoriTheAuthor) and Goodreads (www.Goodreads.com/LoriTheAuthor).

MOMNESIA, by Lori Verni-Fogarsi, is available in both Paperback and Kindle! CLICK HERE to find it at your favorite store online or in your neighborhood!

I Refuse to Buy Groceries For My Family

I refuse to buy groceries for my family. It's true. I do this several times a year and while my family hates it, I love it.

You see, I get tired of working around the giant cases of Carnation Instant Breakfast/Goldfish/Granola Bars in my pantry. You know the ones... the ones they beg you to buy after eating the item every single day for a month. They convince you that they really are going to continue to eat them, so (silly moms), we stock up on these things thinking, "I'm going to save by buying them in bulk!"

No sooner do you finish unloading them from your car (giant, heavy things bought at a warehouse store that doesn't provide bags, but should), than your children decide, "We're not in the mood for those anymore!"

Well, they're in the mood for them now. Why? Because I won't buy any new food of any kind until all the food in the house has been finished. And I do mean everything. Every snack, every strange flavor of jelly, every packet of single-serving macaroni and cheese that they begged for.

Likewise, I also use up all the things I myself have accumulated. It's fun! Pretty soon I'll be figuring out how to make dinner out of six frozen shrimp, one lamb chop, a can of beets, and a package of Jiffy corn muffin mix.

It's actually a great way to save money and reorganize the pantry, all at the same time. When I finally do go shopping, I'll have all my coupons clipped and none of the food in the house will be past its expiration date.

This, of course, speaks to my "momminess" side. My "sexiness" side? Keep an eye out for a different blog post!


I am the author of "Momnesia," a hot new release in contemporary women's fiction, coming 3/16/2012. It's about a suburban mom who, struggling between her "momminess" and her "sexiness," diagnoses herself with "Momnesia" and sets about finessing a new version of her old vivaciousness! To learn more, including previewing the first two chapters free, I invite you to visit: www.LoriVerniFogarsi.com.

The Library is Now For Running and Screaming

Times have changed so that it is now acceptable to run and scream in the library. Also, make and receive phone calls, shout across to others, and utilize the public computers to chat on Facebook for hours while people who need to do actual research wait in line.

Either that, or I’m getting old and crochety. Probably both.

I do love my library, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t enjoy actually being inside it as much as I used to.

For example, when my kids were babies (they are only 10 and 13 now), I used to take them to Story Time at the library. All of the mommies and toddlers would respectfully walk to the children’s area, where we would use our quiet voices. Even after the story, when we would sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider, it was done in hushed tones.

Of course, there were plenty of times when my kids or others started crying, screaming, or trying to run around. However, we mommies did our best to stop them and I can recall more than one occasion when I carried them out… with them kicking and screaming, and me apologizing.

Not so today. Nowadays (see, I told you I’m getting old) the Story Time songs are sung at top volume, regardless of the fact that the other 4/5 of the library contains adults trying to concentrate. Afterward, the kids are literally running everywhere, while their parents either ignore them altogether, chatting as if in a coffee clatch, or roll their eyes and shrug as if there’s not a thing they could do about it.

This phenomenon carries through to other times of the day too. Loud conversations on cell phones, toddlers having screaming tantrums while the mom decides this would be the perfect time to chat with the librarian for twenty minutes, etc.

While the library is an extreme example, I have also noticed this in other places, such as restaurants, grocery stores, etc. Which makes me wonder, Was I too strict when my kids were babies? Or are people just letting them run haywire now?

Do you notice this too? I’d be curious to know what you think!

Tiny Businesses Really Matter

Small businesses. Big businesses. We know that they all make an impact on the economy, jobs, and ultimately, our communities.

However, it's one thing to say that and it's another to experience it firsthand. This being an election year, there's a lot of talk about whether to tax corporations less (or more), the regulations that apply to (and often impede) small businesses, etc. But I'm not here to talk about any of that because--let's face it--I want us to stay friends and it's best not to talk politics.

What I would like to share is this: As the mom of two daughters, 10 & 13, I spend a lot of time at their dancing school. And when I say a lot, I don't mean a quick jaunt for one hour here and there. I mean that I've considered selling my house and simply living in my car in the parking lot of Studio Five Dance Company, because I might as well.

It's a great dancing school and I love my kids participating in their classes and events, but that's not the point. The point is, this very small business makes a pretty decent impact on the local economy!

Since I am, by far, not the only parent who spends so much time there, we see one another throughout the hours while we're waiting for our kids: At the local gas station, pharmacy, Wendy's, BoJangles, nail place, etc. We're everywhere! And not only do I see the people I know, but I also notice the cars of additional families (because of course we all have a S5DC magnet proudly displayed on our vehicles).

Now, it is true that we would all still food shop even if our kids weren't at the dancing school. But the fact is, we wouldn't food shop there... we'd shop near our homes! Instead, the surrounding community benefits from the purchases we all make because we're there, waiting anyhow, and might as well get some errands done.

Thankfully, most towns have many of these small businesses, so it all works out in the end. But the thought process I have--especially in this election year, and also because I've always owned by own business--is this: If small businesses make such a great impact, why is everything made so difficult for them? They're not allowed to have significant signage, they have to get a permit to put up a banner during registration season, they have to pay extra for everything, and the red tape involved with seemingly every small task is nearly insurmountable!

All I have to say is, Thank goodness they and all the other small businesses are willing to go through all that. Because we all benefit in big ways.

Oh yeah, I guess I do have more to say... don't forget to vote!

Marble Notebook Mystery

Between preschool, elementary school, and now middle school, suffice it to say that I have plenty of experience with the need for marble notebooks.

More specifically, I am accustomed to the annual deficit of marble notebooks--right when you need them--at the beginning of the school year.

Oh sure, I see them throughout the rest of the year; I even see them the week before school supply lists are posted. But do I buy them? Nooo. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.

Instead, I wait for the school supply lists to come out. Which always (from preschool to high school) involve marble notebooks. At which point we do the school supply shopping and get every single thing on the lists with the exception of the elusive marble notebooks, which are undoubtedly sold out at every Wal-Mart, Target, Staples, etc.

I smack myself on the forehead, thinking, "Why, oh why didn't I just buy them when they were in stock?" (Not to mention on sale for 50 cents instead of $1.50.)

27 stores later when we finally find them, I tell my girls to each pick an extra notebook, to have just in case. I am so smart, I think to myself. I am outsmarting those rotten non-stocking marble notebook people once and for all!

Then the kids come home throughout the first week with additional supplies needed, which always exceed the one extra marble notebook we bought. Foiled!

Then there's the further dilemma that now, marble notebooks are not even marble anymore! Not only do they come in green, blue, red, and yellow in addition to the classic black, but they also come in peace signs, rainbows, kittens, Miley Cyrus, and ten thousand other designs. And I don't know about you, but to my girls, the picture on the outside of the notebook is perhaps more important than having the school supply itself.

School started here in NC two weeks ago and I meant to forewarn my friends who live in other states, all of whom surely forget this every year just as I do. But I was too busy running to stores looking for the notebooks.

Yesterday, I was in Staples and found "marble" notebooks on sale for $1. Not such a great price, I know. I bought six of them in various designs. They're the emergency backup marble notebooks (which of course we will not need until next year, at which point they'll be out of style).

Hey friends... if you get desperate, I can ship them to you! Sure, they'll end up being $5 marble notebooks, but... oh yeah, school has already started by you too. In fact, you're probably reading this blog on your mobile device in between running to stores looking for marble notebooks.

Sorry.

Let's vow to help one another remember to stock up on them at Easter time this year. Sure, they'll all have bunnies, but we will have marble notebooks before school starts next year! Who's in?

How Can I Be This Busy?

Summer is here. The kids are out of school, my book is in limbo, and I have no big client projects to work on. So how can I be so busy?

Sure, there are the typical household chores that need to be done: laundry, food shopping, maintaining the house, picking up the cat's prescription food. But those things are normally accomplished even when work is busy.

I think I've identified the problem: I tend to leave "big projects" for the summer, thinking I'll have all the time in the world to get them done. Cleaning the kids' closets with them (a mother's torture). Well visits, eye exams, and dental cleanings (ugh!). Letting all four kids invite friends to the lake house over the course of a week, resulting in anywhere from 8-12 kids at any given time, all of whom need to be picked up, dropped off, and fed, but few of whom can provide a real answer as to when exactly they'll be joining us.

On my desk are four lists, none of which are getting any tasks crossed off because I am stalling by ranting on this blog.

Okay. Deep breath. I will tackle the list. Lists. Soon. As soon as I have some more coffee and read another chapter in the book I just started reading. It is, after all, summer.

Drawing the Line on Sunscreen

I live in NC. Which means that although it's only mid-June, it's been "summer" for well over a month already. Further clarified, this also means that we have already been in full-fledged sunscreen mode for weeks.

Every day, I thank my lucky stars that I have already passed the phase of life in which my kids were wriggly, uncooperative little beasts, requiring me to hold on to their slippery little wrists with the grip of death in order to get the lotion slathered onto them. (While listening to them cry about how it's not fair, they don't like it, etc, etc, etc.)

Now they're old enough to understand that no one is going anywhere until the sunscreen is on. They also (due to my "mean momminess") understand how much a sunburn hurts, having experienced it firsthand over the past few summers when I decided that maybe they'd learn better from experience than from my lectures.

But of course this year brings a new dilemma. Advances in technology have not missed the sunscreen market. Thus, there is now the availability of spray-on sunblock that requires no rubbing, takes two seconds, isn't slimy, and works great. The problem? It's so expensive, I'd have to take out a second mortgage if my plan were to use it on four kids every day for the six months that are summery.

At $10 per spray can, and the ability to easily go through a whole can each day, it seems that I'm now back to holding on to their (much bigger) slippery wrists, trying to force the $5-a-bottle-and-will-last-three-weeks lotion onto them.

Unless I can get them to pay for the spray with their own money? Excuse me while I go assign some chores.

On the other hand, I'm broke. From buying the spray sunscreen.

Sigh... I guess that brings me back to the mean momminess of letting them get burnt if they refuse to get lotioned. Sometimes parenting really does feel like a perfectly round circle.

Introducing... The Momnesia Chronicles!

Have you or someone you know ever suffered from Momnesia?

Momnesia (mahm-nee-zhuh) -noun-
Loss of the memory of who you used to be. Caused by stretch marks, toddler play dates, and trying to keep the house cleaner than the Joneses.

If so, you'll love my upcoming series, The Momnesia Chronicles! Join me for some fun, laughs, and commiserative rapport beginning this Friday, May 21! You can share your own parables with Momnesia, make comments, or just take a break from your hectic day.

Know someone who may be interested? Share this on Facebook!

Don't want to miss out? Follow this blog so you can stay tuned!

I've also recently posted a synopsis of my novel, Momnesia, for your enjoyment. Click here to read the synopsis!

I look forward to "playing with you," here on my blog in the upcoming weeks! See you then!