Monday, April 2, 2012

Apparently, I'm Old & I Didn't Even Know It!

A year-and-a-half ago, I turned 40. Not so very old, right? That's what I thought until I discovered that yes, in fact, at least according to the medical community, it is old... not that they'd just say so!

It all started at my annual eye exam, when I was 39 and the doctor said, "Your eyes are fine right now, but we'll see how they are next year when you're 40." No, he was not kidding... I asked.

Next was the gynecologist: "You may want to consider taking further steps due to your family history of estrogen-related cancer, but we'll examine that more next year, when you're 40." Seriously? Was I that much more likely to contract cancer 6 months from then? Apparently so.

My fortieth birthday approached. I was so excited! With my husband's birthday and mine being only two weeks apart, we planned a celebration that included traveling, visiting family, and attending a Nickelback concert. Fun, eh? Should have been, except that while we were away, my standard head cold somehow managed to turn into pneumonia, which then kicked off a year of doctor appointments.

The urgent care doctor, while on vacation: "As we age, the body has a greater tendency to progress into more serious illness."

The stomach ulcer doctor, after taking antibiotics for 3 months: "As we mature, our systems are more prone to these sorts of side-effects."

Some guy, when I was out for cocktails with my husband and he'd stepped away to the restroom: "You're pretty hot for an old chick!" (I did explain that he was highly unlikely to get laid using that line on anyone.)

The dermatologist, where I went for my annual skin exam (so responsible!): "These dots you're asking about are common in women your age."

The endocrinologist, who I consulted trying to figure out why I can't lose an ounce of the 25 lbs. I gained from taking steroids for 3 months during the pneumonia: "Once we're over 40, losing weight can be extremely challenging. You may need to accept a different view of yourself at this stage of life."

This stage of life? Seriously? Here I was, thinking I was on top of the world... perhaps one of the only people NOT suffering from a midlife crisis, honestly feeling okay about being forty.

Well not anymore! Now forty-one-and-a-half, the other day I went to (yet another) doctor about a cyst on my leg. "What would make me get this sort of thing, and how do I prevent it?" I asked. He shook his head, looked me straight in the eye and said, "There's nothing you can do about getting old."

At least he told it like it is! I'm thinking I should order a cane, which I'll surely start needing at any moment! I went food shopping and got some prunes because, well, that's what my grandmother always did. Turns out, they're delicious!

Oldness. I really am fine with it. After all, I am pretty hot... for an old chick!

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